Rant: Passive-Aggressively Dumping Someone

[Cronos]

...I wanted this thread to just go away because I feel embarassed to continue to call attention to myself when others have vocalized their feelings of being tired of hearing me whine about this subject, so I was just going to let it die, but I felt I had to correct a few things for the record.

(You all continued to bump it, so don't blame me)

Can't pick up girls. That's bs. You have the body of a St. Louis God...

You obviously haven't met me. I get it, I know you're making a Freese-body-type-joke, har har. He could pick up any girl he wants, by contrast.

...you are well educated and will be a good partner. From what I can tell, you're probably what an 's' type personality on the DiSC graph and those personalities are proven to make the best husbands/wives. So you've got that going for you.

I believe that too, innately, without honestly ever having heard about the DiSC graph.

I guess I should open with that when I'm picking up women, then? That I would be teh best husband EVAR?! Yeah, because that will attract. *eyeroll*

I really think you're doing it wrong in that you're not being yourself. If you are trying to define things from the get go

I did NOT do that. This is what I primarily thought everyone else was missing, in that reading the other posts in this thread, I introduced myself on the first date saying all of the lists of rules I had with dating, which of freaking course I didn't. I entered the relationship just casually dating and progressed to the point where when things felt off, for either of us, I encouraged open communication.

If I had approached it like others in this thread seemed to think I had, I wouldn't have gotten past date one. I only brought up the open communication thing when I felt like things were going wrong, for the record.

Last but certainly not least, have fun.

Going out into a bar or social event and approaching and hitting on women is and has never been fun for me. I'm afraid I'm disturbing them and that they would never be attracted to me in the first place. Which is why I don't go out to bars. I have little to offer compared to other guys who are more social, more attractive and who have more money.

I currently have none of those last three adjectives.

[Maclowery]

I hear you regarding approaching women. I very, very rarely actively flirt with a total stranger. Pretty much any chick I go after is due to a mutual acquaintance. ie, this girl's roommate or that guy's coworker, etc. I don't think I've approached a random in NYC yet. I did it on my last visit through Iowa City, but that's because college towns are their own world, and eye contact and one drink buy can very easily lead to NSA neckin'.

So, yeah, keep making friends, keep meeting their friends, and next thing you know we'll all be hearing about wedding bells. Or at least, some drunkenly mentioned sexual exploits!

[Cronos]

I hear you regarding approaching women. I very, very rarely actively flirt with a total stranger.

Wait, what? You hit on women all the time.

I thought you and others were telling me to actively flirt with strange women.

[Arthur Dent]

I'm pretty familiar with what I can and can't do at this point, and I've accepted that.

As I recall, you used to believe that meeting women was almost totally impossible for you. But now, I get the impression that you've had a number of experiences. Why should you "accept" the impossibility of change when things really have changed for you? And what has changed? My guess is some combination of changes in circumstances and some personal revelations. Life is not fixed.

[Michael]

I dunno about that. I got dumped by a girl who never really explained her motivation when everything seemed to be going pretty well (at least to me) a week earlier. I still wonder what went wrong.

What went wrong was that she stopped liking you. You aren't a bad guy, and didn't really change over the course of your relationship, acted like yourself because you can't help it, and she wasn't into it. There is no fork in the road, or decision or whatever. It's also really hard to put into words, especially without sounding horrible if you're on the other end. Which is why there are so many total bs breakup lines.

I stopped looking for explanations because it was making me crazy. Even when you get them, they aren't real and don't make sense. The few that probably are real are generally pretty hurtful.

This is the most insightful post in the thread and it's not even close.

Here's the deal, no one can be everything to everyone. Sometimes you're not going to attract a person you like no matter how much you want it. Although the rejection feels extremely personal, you can't beat yourself up over it. I've been rejected by woman I've liked, and I've rejected great girls that for whatever reason I didn't have feelings for. That's the way love goes.

Yeah it sucks, but in the end it's all worth it.

[JackofDiamonds]

This is the most insightful post in the thread and it's not even close.

Here's the deal, no one can be everything to everyone. Sometimes you're not going to attract a person you like no matter how much you want it. Although the rejection feels extremely personal, you can't beat yourself up over it. I've been rejected by woman I've liked, and I've rejected great girls that for whatever reason I didn't have feelings for. That's the way love goes.

Yeah it sucks, but in the end it's all worth it.

All you suckers that have been rejected more than once, don't come at Michael with that weak [expletive].


FUN WITH SPELLING AND GRAMMAR MISTAKES

[Michael]

Eh, I had a couple of cocktails in me when I wrote that.

[cards2468]

My relationships generally end in an argument followed by never talking to each other again. It's super healthy and not awkward at all when you see them in public.

[planet planet]

I dunno about that. I got dumped by a girl who never really explained her motivation when everything seemed to be going pretty well (at least to me) a week earlier. I still wonder what went wrong.

What went wrong was that she stopped liking you. You aren't a bad guy, and didn't really change over the course of your relationship, acted like yourself because you can't help it, and she wasn't into it. There is no fork in the road, or decision or whatever. It's also really hard to put into words, especially without sounding horrible if you're on the other end. Which is why there are so many total bs breakup lines.

I stopped looking for explanations because it was making me crazy. Even when you get them, they aren't real and don't make sense. The few that probably are real are generally pretty hurtful.

This is the most insightful post in the thread and it's not even close.

Here's the deal, no one can be everything to everyone. Sometimes you're not going to attract a person you like no matter how much you want it. Although the rejection feels extremely personal, you can't beat yourself up over it. I've been rejected by woman I've liked, and I've rejected great girls that for whatever reason I didn't have feelings for. That's the way love goes.

Yeah it sucks, but in the end it's all worth it.

I still remember when a guy just told me, "You're not 'the one'". While it was searing at the time (this was a guy I dated in college and basically chose to relocate where he was in CO), in retrospect I realize we really didn't have enough in common. Fun times only last so long and then you're looking for a companion with whom you can share your interests.

[Maclowery]

I hear you regarding approaching women. I very, very rarely actively flirt with a total stranger.

Wait, what? You hit on women all the time.

I thought you and others were telling me to actively flirt with strange women.

I'm a flirter, sure, but pretty much always to people I'm introduced to or at least have a fleeting connection with. I haven't approached a total stranger to flirt in, god, who knows. I meet tons of people though, its a part of my industry, so I don't really ever feel inclined to wander up to someone and say something clever.

That said, I wish I had the balls to strike up a conversation. Hell just tonight I sat on the subway next to a jarringly attractive gal who actually smiled at me (there's not much of that on new York public transit), and the best thing I could think of woulda been '"so I see you also read newspapers."